Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Happy birthday Mr Lee

‪#‎rememberingleekuanyew‬ on his Birthday.
He would had been be 92 today.

Itz days like these, that one stops and reflects on why the heart always feel sore thinking about him. I can't say for others; But my own inner pangs of regret formed when i began to know the full extend of how misunderstood he was.... I was one of many, whom gradually came to know about his 24/7 commitment, his never failing love for our country… Like his never-failing love and devotion for his wife.

We might never agree fully with his actions or decisions; like how we might not agree with our parent's or grandparent's version of love via nagging, scolding, threatening, forcing, restrictions, curfews, canning, etc the list goes on... We might never understand fully the logic of "tough love". Why it is necessary? Why so rigid, why so heartless, why so fierce, why so cruel...? We end up resentful of every single thing done & said.

We do not see the love in these "cruel inhumane" actions. It is only, when faced with the hash realities of life, that we realised, that the world is even more inhumane. Countries outside of Singapore, they are indeed so different. It is only when faced with a comparison, that we appreciate this logic of "tough love".

Appreciation for the "inhumane" growing up process develops. The "tough love" had equipped me with the ability, to withstand whatever shit that life throws; coz no one owes us a living, not our leaders, not even our parents.

Only problem... I knew it only too late... I knew about the things Mr LKY did only AFTER he passed. And I never ever got the chance to even say a simple thank you… many of us never did say that before he passed. In fact, attitudes expressed towards him, were the total opposite of "thanx or appreciation or grateful".

He had passed on with all these negative words and feelings and misunderstanding, from the people he spent his whole life for. My heart rant complains to him, why didn't he say all these works..? Why didn't he explain all these misunderstandings?

My heart knows the simple answer to this rant... because no one would believed. Even if he does say, explain or share. No one would believe. And knowing Mr LKY, he did not do it bcoz he wants any thanx from us. Like a stubborn grandpa, whom you buy him a gift of appreciation, would end up rejecting it coz I duno why...

And because of this simple reason. We all bear the heart-burnt of letting this great man passed-on, without him seeing "live" the depth of our thanx and appreciation. He left not knowing. If only that morning... it was not his coffin being driven through the streets in the rain. But him sitting in a car...

Alive and knowing that every single of of us that lined the streets that raining day, had hearts filled to the brim and overflowing with thanx and gratitude. Alive and hearing the silent cries of sorry in our hearts, sorry for not knowing earlier.

But it was not so... We did not get a chance to say what we wanted to say before he passed. And we would never ever know, if he heard or saw what happened from above after he passed. This pain in the heart stays.

Perhaps it stays to act like as a constant reminder to each and everyone of us, to continue our best to take care of Singapore. That should be whatr LKY would want to see... instead of just saying "Thank You". I don't think a thank you suffices anyway...

Would do our best to take care of Singapore, so that your efforts do not go down the drain.‪ And your legacy would be our solid foundation to grow and become better in the next 50 years. #‎thankyouMrLee‬ #Happy92thBirthday

Tuesday, September 15, 2015



I love to wear a mask... think I got this habit after staying in Japan for so many years... The only place on earth that I can wear a mask without anyone thinking I am weird. 

Started coz I'm always mistaken as a "China-Chinese"... nothing wrong with that, but about 20 years ago, the Japanese does not exactly welcome the Chinese race. In fact, it was an outright dislike. 

My "China Chinese face" gave me a quite bad experience in those days. Itz like getting the door-slammed-in-your-face type of treatment from every single Japanese. 

Of coz, once they "realised" that I am Singaporean, they would usually treat me 360° different. But usually, it would never get to that stage. I would need to open my mouth to say something in English for them to realise. And usually, the rudeness and slamming of the door happens before I can go close enough to open mouth to say anything. 

I didn't know it was bcoz of my face.... until I started wearing a face mask. I started to notice the difference. They do not have the same reaction as if I'm not wearing a face mask.
It's a disgusting realization, but it made my life easier too.

Guess my eyes looks "normal"... and my "chi-na" face is covered up, so no one can tell I'm not Chinese if I dun open mouth to speak. Lol~ 

Anyway, thatz how I started liking to wearing a face mask. It is to avoid being treated like a cockroaches and being despised. 

Of coz things got better as we grow older... and your perspective of life and confidence grow with your age and "life-lessons".

I do not need to hide behind the face mask to avoid being judged and mistreated. 

But, nowadays, donning the face mask gives me a chance to not be recognized.
So i can take a breather from the expectations to behave in a certain way that our roles in the "norms" of society that we are supposed to conformed to. 

My race, age, status, gender, religion, image, etc. all these become the invisible reflections people perceived us to be... and what seemed to me, as my small "very-Rachel" actions, would sometimes traumatized those around me if I'm not careful. It is simply hilarious to me at times... #amusingmuch

Wearing a mask in Japan, it comforts me... I become invisible, people do not look at me when I'm wearing a mask, people do not know me when I'm wearing a mask... I can be myself. 

And I like that. 

ps/ I have a whole 'collection' of masks! Even the disposable ones comes in my types, shapes and sizes.